When I became a father at 25, I imagined I’d be the kind of parent who always had things under control. A solid routine. A clear set of rules. A calm household where my three children would grow up in a picture-perfect way. Ah… the sweetness of ignorance!
In reality, by the time I turned 31, that fantasy came with a triple dose of reality… Three children under the age of five, all with their own personalities, needs, and quirks will do that!
Some days were filled with cutesy bedtime stories and calf hugs; other days saw feisty tantrums and wild chaos.
Parenting has a way of showing you – harshly; humbly – that control is most often a shaky illusion.
The same rings true in investing.
Parenting and the Myth of Control
No matter how carefully we plan, children have a way of surprising us. For example, one moment, my daughter was a delicate little farm fairy, running barefoot through the grass. The next, she was a fierce, toenail-scratching water polo player, battling it out in the pool with a ferocity I could hardly recognise. (Fast forward to today, she’s fully embodied both those qualities – the sweet-hearted fairy and the strong-willed fighter – proof that patience lets the pieces settle into a far more interesting whole than we could ever engineer!)
As parents, we try our best to set good boundaries, healthy examples and guided outcomes, but our children have their own original life paths. They develop strengths, passions, and identities that we simply can’t script. And while that’s sometimes confronting, it’s also one of the great joys of parenthood – witnessing that unfolding of who they are (and, crucially, who they are still becoming).
The same applies to investing. You can research, strategise, and balance a portfolio with the utmost precision and expertise. And yet… markets, like children, have their own agendas. They rise, they dip, and they take unexpected detours you didn’t plan for – for better or for worse.
Control vs. Care
When clients sit across from me, they often have a desire for certainty – a guaranteed path to growth; a way to avoid loss. I understand this longing well – it’s the same instinct that makes us want to bubble-wrap our children before they leave the house.
But the goal is not to avoid uncertainty, but to create a strategy resilient enough to withstand it.
That means diversification, and an eye on the long game. Nobody can control the timing of returns, but you can control your exposure to unnecessary risk, your spending habits, and your decision to stay the course rather than chase fads.
This could be leaning into:
- Your patience. Staying steady when markets dip instead of panicking.
- Your discipline. Sticking to your long-term strategy, not chasing trends.
- Your values. Aligning your money with what matters most to you.
- Your time horizon. Understanding that investing is a marathon, not a sprint.
Markets will do what markets do. Just as kids will do what kids do. The work is to build a system that’s dependable, even when markets are not.
Hope Meets Realism
It is said that our children are our best teachers. One of the best illustrations I have of this is from observing my youngest son.
From the time he could hold a bat, he’s dreamed of becoming a professional cricketer. There’s never been a Plan B.
Watching his journey has been exhilarating and, at times, nail-biting. There have been victories that filled me with pride, and setbacks that left my heart in my throat. But more than the scores, I’ve watched his psychology develop: the resilience, the patience, the grit. It’s been a lesson in hope tempered with realism.
That same duality applies to investing. You hope for growth, for compounding, for the future you imagine. But you temper that hope with realism: downturns will come, volatility is inevitable, and resilience is non-negotiable.
Hope without realism is fantasy.
Realism without hope is bleak.
But together? That’s the sweet spot.
Trusting the Unscripted Path
Another reminder came from my eldest son. He enrolled in university to study accounting, a sensible and solid career choice. It was a path I quietly hoped he would stick to. But deep down, he knew it wasn’t for him. He bowed out of his degree – a decision that, at the time, I surrendered to, despite wishing for a more traditional approach.
And yet, he’s absolutely thriving. He found a career that excites him, he’s working hard, and he’s blossoming in ways I couldn’t have predicted. He chose a road less travelled, and it turns out to be exactly where he needs to be.
This has taught me that sometimes, our plans – even our most well-intentioned ones – aren’t the right plans. We can prepare, we can advise, we can hope. But ultimately, each person – and each investment – has its own path to unfold. And sometimes, the unplanned route can be surprisingly scenic and fruitful.
Lessons From Parenting Five Children
With three biological children and two stepkids, I’ve been given ample opportunity to practice the art of surrender. Each of them has shown me, in their own way, that my job is not to script their lives but to support them as they navigate their own. Sometimes that means standing back while they make mistakes. Sometimes it means stepping in when they need steady ground.
Investing is much the same. It’s not about micromanaging every market movement. It’s about setting the framework, having the values in place, and then letting time and compounding do their work.
If there’s one thing both fatherhood and investing have taught me, it’s that the best results come not from clutching tightly but from letting go wisely.
Yes – care.
Yes – plan.
Yes – show up.
But accept wholeheartedly that you’re not the author of every chapter. Sometimes, you are just the reader; an observer of drama, page-turning through some unsettling plot twists.
And there, in the midst of that surrender, is where you’ll often find the deepest peace and, paradoxically, your strongest power.
